I had a very deep experience during Guru's funeral in New York. He departed on October 11, 2007. There was one week of celebration before he would be buried. I couldn't go because I had at least three weekend shifts at a hospital, so I had to surrender.
I said, "O my God, I would like to go. It's not possible. Not possible." It would be too difficult to change because it's on the weekend and people don't want to work on the weekends, but inwardly I really felt I should go. There was some kind of force telling me inside, "You should go, you should go, you should go!”
So I took the risk to ask some colleagues. Spontaneously, two nurses agreed to replace me, in addition to doing their own shifts. And so I could go and spend almost one week in New York.
It was a really, really, really deep experience. Of course, everybody was so sad. I really felt that I was helped to be able to go. It was something very special. After Guru was buried, we really felt Guru's consciousness, Guru's love, Guru's oneness and Guru's light spreading, spreading in all the disciples. We felt some kind of joy meeting all together. It was a little bit strange. We were sad, but also we felt some inner light as if Guru's light had split in every disciple. You could see people talking to each other. You could feel the love between all the disciples and you could speak to people that you didn't usually speak to. It really felt like a family feeling; family oneness and love. And all of this came from Guru. He was giving this to all of us. It was a very deep experience.
I also had a moving experience there in New York because in July, before Guru left the body, he was still doing very impressive lifts. In one of his last lifts, he lifted a horse, a very special horse. It weighed almost 2000 kilograms. It was a Belgian breed horse, very strong. It was the tallest horse in the world and its name was Radar.
At this time, I was working with the media team in France. I desperately tried to get an article about this lift in the newspaper. I was unsuccessful, except for one Belgian magazine. They were interested because it was a Belgian breed horse. They printed the article, and I was so happy to send this article to Guru.
A few days later, Nishtha, much involved in the media world and very near to Guru, called me and said, "Oh, Guru was so happy, so happy!" Then she also said something I didn't hear which I couldn't understand.
When I went to the funeral in October, at one point I was seated very near Nishtha. I dared to ask her, "By the way, I'm sorry to ask you this now, but what did Guru say when he received the article?" She said he was so happy. He said, "He did it, he did it!"
I was so moved because these were the last words Guru said to me just two months before. I went to a corner of the Aspiration-Ground and I was almost crying. I was so moved and it was a very, very sweet experience.
Your self-giving heart
Breathlessly sweet to God.
Sri Chinmoy 1